I have a long story I've been wanting to tell you for some time now.
Let me warn you, it is long. However, it's worth the read and every
word of it is true. It really happened. It was 20 years ago and I
still get fits of giggles when telling it. I hope you enjoy it.
There are a few changes to report but again, I didn't keep track of
them. Basically I've added more links and removed a few broken links.
+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+/+
When Ethan was 8 he received a metal detector for Christmas. He was
excited about it and wanted to immediately go looking for gold. I
told him to invite a friend and we would go out one Saturday into the
woods and he could look for minerals. E.J. had an attractive,
charming, single male teacher and I was mortified when he invited
him on this outing. And to make matters worse, he accepted the
invitation! (This was while I was doing my stint as a single parent.)
O.K., what to do? My brother gives guided field trips for people who
want to go rock hunting. I spoke with him about the upcoming
expedition and he gave me suggestions where to go. The day came,
Dave the teacher showed up at our house and we took my car to Malvern
where my grandparents were living. We were going into some pretty
deep woods where the roads were little more than two ruts and there
was no way I was going to take my brand new Sunbird out there so, I
had made arrangements with my grandfather to borrow his old, well-used
pickup. After a little altercation with my grandfather over who was
going to drive, and after losing (he handed the keys to Dave and told
him to not let me drive), we set off in search of buried treasure.
(Just between you and me, I was glad to let Dave do the driving. I
kinda like letting the man be the man.)
We found ourselves on a rocky beach on the Ouachita River. The beach
was actually half rocks and half clams. Ethan and I started picking
up the clams and tossing them back into the water. Dave told us we'd
never get them all tossed in and I pointed out that we were getting
"some" of them back in. He didn't argue with that. Instead he bent
down and started tossing them into the water himself. I got to
looking at these things and started wondering. I tried dismissing
the thought but it wouldn't go away. It was a puzzle to me. I walked
over to Dave to ask him my question. He was a teacher. He knew
everything! right?
"Hey, Dave, look at this." I handed him a clam. "How do clams
reproduce?"
He took the clam and started examining it. "Well, they just, uh....
Maybe they, uh.... Uh... I dunno! How do they reproduce?" He seemed
fascinated with the thought and studied the thing for a while then
gave up and tossed it into the river.
Across the river from where we stood was a rock wall going up pretty
high. This interested Dave and he was asking if the river was ever
low enough to wade across and had my brother ever climbed to the top?
I didn't know and wasn't too interested.
"I don't know," I said then added, "There's supposed to be a cave over
there somewhere."
"A cave?!" If I had wanted to capture this man's attention I had
just learned how. "It would be cool to go caving."
Huh? Did I hear him right? "You want to go inside a cave?" I asked.
"Yeah. I'd grab a rope and go on in."
"Wouldn't you take a flashlight?"
"Well, duh!" He looked at me as though I were simple. "Of course I
would take a flashlight." Hey, he was the one that said he was going
to take a rope.
"What would you do with the rope?" This was a serious question on my
part.
He hesitated. "I don't know. I just think you're supposed to have a
rope."
"Do you tie it to a tree outside, go in as far as the rope will reach
then you'll have it to show you how to get back out?"
"Uh, no.... I don't think it works quite that way...."
After a bit more conversation we had to agree, HE thought caving would
be a cool thing to do.
Later that week my cousin, Lisa, called to say that her husband was
coming to Little Rock to go to railroad school. She wanted to come
with him and spend the week with us. That sounded like fun. Whenever
the two of us get together we seem to have a knack for getting
ourselves into strange situations. I told her of the outing with
David.
"You know, this guy's kinda weird," I said. "Do you know what he
actually wants to do?"
"What?" Lisa was almost laughing.
"He wants to go caving!"
"And...?" Lisa prompted.
"And that seems a bit strange to me."
Lisa laughed. "Spelunking is fun!"
"What's spe... what did you say?"
"Spelunking. It means exploring caves. It's a lot of fun."
"Huh?" Was my cute little, adorable little cousin as strange as that
man? "You mean you've done it before?"
"Yes..., your brother took me. We had a good time."
Well, I could well believe Jimmy would do something that senseless.
But, Lisa? Why?
"Why don't we do it while I'm up there?" she asked. "It would be
fun."
"Fun...?" (Yeah, right.)
"Yeah, call Jimmy and see if he can come up that weekend and we'll go
spelunking."
"O.K." So, I'm a pushover.
I called Jimmy and he was excited over the thought of cave
exploration. Yes, he could get free that weekend. Not a problem!
We had two cousins who lived in Alaska but were attending boarding
school in Arkansas. I found out that they, too, had been in the caves
with Jimmy and they also thought it was fun. As luck would have it
they were having spring break starting that weekend and they planned
to come to our place on their break. This way they could go
spelunking with us. (Am I not a part of this family? Why am I the
only one who's never done this before?") I also called Crazy Dave
and invited him. This was all his fault, after all.
Lisa arrived as planned and we spent the early part of the week
planning the trip. The biggest problem was finding a cave. Wednesday
of that week I had a job interview. While sitting and waiting I
struck up a conversation with a woman who was also there for an
interview. Somehow the conversation turned to my upcoming outing.
This woman was a gold mine. She had a wealth of knowledge. She had
lived in South America where her husband worked as a geologist doing
cave exploration. She had all kinds of stories and advice for me.
When I got home all excited over the conversation, Lisa looked at me
in wonderment, then said, "All right." knowing it was useless to argue
with me.
Thursday morning I called the State Department of Parks and Tourism
to see if they could give me directions to a cave. Yes, they could.
There were lots of caves in Arkansas and they provided brochures with
maps. She invited us to stop by their office and she would give me
some of these brochures. I asked directions to their office and was
told they were at One Capitol Mall. She spoke in a manner that said
that was all the information I needed in order to find her. I hung
up.
"Where is Capital Mall?" I asked my dad.
"It's in the capital building." was the response.
No problem! I had driven by the capital building once and thought I
could find it again. Lisa called our grandparents and told them that
we were coming over and for them not to eat, she wanted to fix their
lunch. She stressed for them not to eat, that we would be there
without fail.
I thought the capital building was somewhere downtown and headed that
direction. I couldn't find it. I found some one-way streets that I
wanted to drive down going the wrong way and managed to get us
thoroughly lost. Eventually I turned down a street I immediately
regretted finding. What appeared to be prostitutes were walking down
the street or standing near the street, and lots of men were just
hanging around appearing to do nothing. Here we were in a brand new
car traveling down this street that we could see was a dead-end. We
were going to have to turn around. That was a scary thought. We had
captured attention and I didn't want to stop the car to turn around.
"God, get me out of this, please!" I prayed silently.
A police car materialized in front of us. I swear it wasn't there
earlier, it simply appeared. It turned into an alley and there was no
way I would have turned into that alley had I not seen him go that
way. I followed him. It was creepy but it was a through street and
when we came out of that alley, off to the left was the capital
building.
Now we had a problem. Where to park. We looked around but didn't see
much to be excited about. The Capital Building has a large lawn.
Across the street from this lawn was a parking lot. I paid my $2 and
drove on in. I drove around this lot several times and found all the
parking spots had been taken and they were still letting people in.
There were cars parked in some really strange places. I solved the
parking problem by pulling in at the end of a row and waiting for
someone to come along who was leaving then driving up and taking
their spot. We took off on foot and they let a couple more cars into
that lot.
We walked across the lawn and the closer we came to the building the
more ill-at-ease we became. There were steps going up to a patio of
sorts, but there weren't any doors. No matter which direction we
looked, that building didn't have any doors!
A woman in a business suit came walking past us and Lisa spoke up.
"Mam, can you tell us where Capital Mall is?"
"Certainly," she said. "Go inside here and out the back door."
Go inside?! How were we to go in a building that didn't have any
doors? Lisa and I just looked at each other.
She caught on and said, "Come on, I'll take you."
There was a drive going under those steps and she took us to that
drive and there, under those stairs we found them -- doors! She took
us on in and to the back door where she pointed out and said, "There,
that is Capital Mall." It wasn't inside the Capital Building after all.
We thanked this woman then took off.
Capital Mall is a circular drive with buildings all around it. Which
one of these buildings would be number One? We decided to try the
first one on the right.
We walked over to it and couldn't believe our eyes! This building
didn't have a door. Can you imagine a building that nice without a
door? We kept walking. The building was on the side of a small hill
and at the end of the building at the bottom of this little hill was
an unobtrusive door. O.K., we have a door. This is good.
Inside the building we found a directory and discovered that The
Department of Parks and Tourism was located on the second floor.
Since there wasn't a stairwell this meant a ride on the elevator.
I pushed the button.
We waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited.
There was a small bench there and we sat down and waited some more.
Presently a group of people began to congregate at the elevator and
when the thing finally arrived all those people crowded in. Lisa
and I sat and stared knowing there wasn't any room for us. The people
asked if we were going up and invited us to join them. Where?
"We'll wait," we both said, but the people invited us again assuring
us that the next time it would be just as crowded. Somehow we squeezed
in.
This elevator went straight to the top then deposited people on its
way down.
"What floor?" someone asked.
"Two," we both responded.
"You can't get off there."
"What do you mean we can't get off there?" we both asked. I reached
over and punched the 2 on the panel. Nothing happened.
"Where are you going?" someone asked.
"The Department of Parks and Tourism."
"Well, you can't get off on the second floor.
Someone in the elevator had punched the button for the second floor
and it lit up for him.
"Good," I said. "Now we can get off." It never occurred to me that
the man had stuck a key into the panel. I watched him do it. Somehow
it just didn't soak in. I thought they were all teasing. Lisa had
somehow managed to disappear into the back of the elevator.
Soon there were only three other people on the elevator with us.
"You really can't get off there," one of them said.
The door opened.
"Sure I can, just watch." I stepped out of the elevator.
One of the men said, "I'll take them out." He turned around to look
at us. "Follow me. Look strait ahead. Do not look either left or
right."
"Well, how strange," I thought.
When we got to the front door of this office he pointed across the
hall to the Department of Parks and Tourism. We thanked him, stepped
out of his office into the hall and immediately felt stupid. There on
our right was the door.
We walked across the hall and the woman I had spoken with had set
aside several brochures for us. We took them, thanked her and left.
When we stepped out of her office into the hallway I just happened
to glance across the hall where we had been. "Oh, Lisa!" She was
just as surprised as I was. We had been in the private offices of
the State Crime Commission. We really weren't supposed to get off
on that floor!
Finding our way back to the car was easy. It was as simple as
backtracking. That was about the only thing going right for us.
We got in the car and took off. I suggested that we go out to
Pinnacle Mountain and take a hike around Kingfisher Trail. This
is a half-mile trail going through the swamp. It's a rather nice
hike and we had lots of time to go there and still get to our
grandparents house by noon. We went.
Getting to Pinnacle Mountain meant traveling west a ways on Hwy.
10. When we were finished with our hike I suggested we take the
scenic route which was to go west on 10 then take 9 south to 5 which
would go to 7 that would take us into Hot Springs. Hot Springs is
only a half hour from Malvern and there was plenty of time to go
that way and still get to our grandparents house by noon or
only a few minutes after. She agreed. We went.
I have this theory about the roads in Arkansas. When you're
traveling through a forested area and come across a spot where cars
have been parking, there's probably a reason for it. We came across
such a spot not far down 9 and I pulled over.
"I've always wanted to know what's going on here," I said. There was
still plenty of time to reach our grandparents house by at the latest
12:30.
We got out, found a trail and followed it into the woods. Soon we
came across a large rock that was suitable for climbing. We climbed
the rock but soon got bored with it. It wasn't that large or very
interesting.
Traveling on down 9, I mentioned to Lisa that there was a road up
ahead that I had always been fascinated with and did she mind if we
drove down it just a few miles? She didn't mind, we had plenty of
time.
Off on our right we soon found this road. Winona Forest Drive. I
turned here and the road immediately began to climb. We found
ourselves on a lookout where we had a nice view of Lake Maumelle.
"Just a few more minutes?" I asked Lisa.
"O.K." she said.
Just a wee little bit farther and we saw a road sign. It was only
11 miles from there to Hwy. 7 and that's where we were headed, wasn't
it? I looked over at Lisa.
"We should be through here and at their place no later that 1:00,
probably earlier," I said.
"Let's do it," she agreed.
This turned out to be a beautiful drive. There were all kinds of
stopping places for us to get out and explore. The road ran
alongside the Ouachita Trail which begins at Pinnacle Mountain
State Park and ends somewhere in Oklahoma. Of course we had to
stop and hike a bit.
A few hours later we emerged onto Hwy. 7. We had been naughty.
It was the middle of the afternoon and there would be no more
stopping for us. We were due at our grandparents place a couple of
hours earlier.
"I wish I could just buy them a vegeburger somewhere," Lisa said.
She was in luck! "I've heard that the health food store in Hot
Springs sells vegeburgers," I offered.
"Do you know where it is?"
"Sure do."
We got to the health food store and found it to be the weirdest
place. There was no place to park there in the front and what was
even more confounding was that the building didn't have a door! The
drive did go on around to the back of the building and I followed
it. There in the back was a small parking lot with 2 or 3 cars
parked there. We also found a door. I parked.
Going into that store was the strangest thing! We walked into a
kitchen! We walked on through this kitchen to the door that led to
the store but we were met at the door by an employee.
"Why are you coming in through the back door?" she asked.
"Huh?" Lisa and I were baffled and looked at each other in
amazement. "Your parking lot is back here," I said.
"There is not a parking lot back there," she said.
"There are cars parked back there," I insisted.
"No, there aren't. It's not a parking lot. People park in the
front" She stated this very firmly.
Her business was located on a very busy street that did not allow
parking. There was no way I was going to park on that street and
there was no place to park in the front.
"Why didn't you come in through the front door?"
"You don't have one!" Lisa and I both exclaimed. We looked down the
length of the room and saw a door there at the front of the building.
"Well, I apologize," I said. "We simply didn't see the door and
thought this was it."
"Well, it's not. What are you wanting anyway?"
"Vegeburgers." Lisa and I spoke in unison.
"Vegeburgers?"
We nodded.
"What's that?"
We both gasped. Lisa found her tongue first. "You know,
vegeburgers. Hamburgers made without meat."
"Does it come in a can and it's made by either Loma Linda or
Worthington?" We were finally getting somewhere.
"Yeah," we both nodded.
"I've never heard of it. Why would you think I carry that?"
We were momentarily speechless. "Well, I was told that the health
food store in Hot Springs sold vegeburgers," I finally managed to
speak.
"This is not a health food store."
"It's not?" I was confused. Looking down through the store I could
see all kinds of things that you would find in a health food store.
"No, it's not." She was very firm.
"Well, can we just browse?"
"We don't have anything here for you." She stood in the doorway
blocking entrance to the store.
"Well, O.K., you don't have vegeburgers and this isn't a health food
store. Shall we exit through the front door?" I asked.
"No, you can go out the back."
"Back here?" We wanted to be sure we were headed the right direction.
"That's right. Back there."
We went back to the car that was parked in a non-existent lot beside
2 or 3 cars that weren't there. I drove back to the front and
looked. No place to park. Looking again did reveal a door right in
the middle of the building. There was also a large sign by the road
claiming that this establishment was in fact, a health food store.
For lack of a better word to describe it, Lisa and I felt funny. That
didn't just happen, did it? You know, it actually did happen.
Hesitantly I began to speak. "I do know of another place that might
be a health food store, but I'm not going to guarantee it."
"Do we dare try?" Lisa asked.
"What could happen that would be worse than what has already happened
to us today? Besides, we'll be driving right by it."
"Let's try it."
I drove to this building and found a patch of ground covered with
gravel. There were several cars parked here. Whether they were really
there was debatable but they appeared to be.
"Do you think this is a parking lot?" Lisa asked.
"I dunno," I answered. "But I do know that I'm either blind or this
building doesn't have a door!"
We just sat in the car looking at the building. It was a solid brick
wall. No door. Feeling very timid by now we got out of the car and
walked around to the side of the building. No door. We walked to the
front of the building. There was a window here, but no door. Not
sure what was going on, we rounded the corner and found them. Doors!
But were they really doors or did we just think they were doors. We
stood outside wondering whether or not to go in.
Somehow we gathered the courage to enter the building and found a health food store
complete with small cafe in the back. The vegeburgers were
tremendously expensive but as late as it was getting Lisa didn't
want to leave without them.
It was nearly 5 o'clock when we arrived at our grandparents house.
They had waited for us to come because Lisa told them to. We felt
awful!
The brochures we had picked up were not what we were looking for.
These caves were either in parks or were tour guided. We wanted a
wild cave. Something that we could spend as much time in and go
wherever we wanted to. The next day, Friday, I called the Department
of Parks and Tourism again and told them what we were looking for.
The lady I spoke with told me I needed to call the Geological
Commission and speak to Jim (somebody?)
I called and asked to speak to him. He was very pleasant. Yes, he
did know of some wild caves and he was willing to tell us where they
were. He asked if I had ever been in a cave before and when I said
"No," he invited us to his office. He wanted to give us some
instruction before giving us the location of any cave.
Following the directions to his office was easy. When we got there
we found a one-story, green building that was sorta spread out.
There was a drive going around to the back of the building and a
circle drive going to the front. We drove to the front and kept on
going. There wasn't a door there. We fussed at each other about
this and, remembering the day before, we both felt we had better go
and look at that place again. Nope. There definitely was NOT a door
here.
I drove around to the back of the building. The building was built
in three sides of a square. Wanna guess what we found here --
there were doors everywhere!
Which door were we supposed to use? We selected a door about the
middle of the building on the left side and found ourselves in a
hallway. We started walking down this hall when someone hollered
at us.
"Can I help you?"
"Yes," I said. "We have an appointment to see Jim (somebody?)."
"O.K." He was really nice. "But tell me, why didn't you use the
front door?"
Lisa and I stopped dead in our tracks. "The front door?" we both
gasped. "We didn't see a front door!" Were we going to have a
repeat of yesterday?
"That's O.K.," he said. "I'll take you to him."
He took us to the reception area and there we saw doors, right there
in the front of the building where they belonged. We just looked at
each other unbelievingly. We waited there for Jim to come get us,
which he did, and he took us to his office.
He proceeded to talk to us about caves and the hazards of going into
one unprepared. He told us things that we should know, i.e., always
wear something on your head, always carry more than one light source,
never go into a cave alone, etc.... After his talk he asked if we
had any questions.
"I do have questions," I responded. Lisa groaned and tried to blend
in with the chair upholstery. I wanted to hit her. "I met a lady who
used to live in South America and she said to wear protective
clothing. She said to wear long pants tucked into the top of boots,
high necked shirts that can be buttoned, and long sleeves with rubber
bands or something around the wrist."
Jim gave me a puzzled look. "Why?" he asked.
"To keep the spiders out of your clothes. She also said the caves
were full of snakes."
He paused briefly before answering me in wonderment. "There aren't
any spiders or snakes in the caves I'm going to send you to."
"There aren't?"
"No. You may well find a spider or snake at the mouth of the cave
but not in it. The only animal life you'll find in there is bats,
some blind fish and some blind salamanders."
Oh. O.K. that was one question down. "So we just need a rope and
flashlight."
Another puzzled look came over his face. "What are you going to do
with the rope?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "I dunno. Dave says we have to take a rope
but he doesn't know why either. I assume we tie it to a tree or
something then carry it in with us so we can use it to find our way
back out."
Jim smiled. He wanted to laugh but was too polite. Lisa wasn't.
She was snickering.
This latest remark brought on a discussion about how to treat a
cave. You never, ever write on the walls of the cave. Once the
writing is there, it's permanent. In order to mark your way you
place rocks in a formation that you will recognize telling you how
to get out.
"Well, this has been interesting," I said. "Is there anything else
we need to know?"
"How about the location of a cave?"
He pulled out a topographical map and taught us how to read it. He
marked the location of three caves on this map then wished us a safe,
happy outing.
I took the map and looked over at Lisa. "Well, I guess all that's
left is to buy something for a picnic lunch and I want to buy a new
blouse."
"What?" Jim exploded on this one. "No! You don't wear a new blouse
inside a cave. You'll ruin it. Wear something that you don't mind
losing." Lisa was snickering again.
Jim walked us to the reception area where those confounded doors
were.
"Uh, we're parked in back," we both said sheepishly.
This guy was gifted at producing puzzled looks. "Why?"
Neither one of us wanted to answer so both of us tried to explain.
"We drove by the door here twice but didn't see it."
"Thats' all right. A lot of people do that." The look on his face
said otherwise.
When we left I drove around the circle drive again and up to the
building. There they were in plain view -- doors!
It was time to go shopping. Lisa and I got into an argument. She
insisted that I did not need a new blouse and I insisted I did. We
compromised and went to K-Mart. K-Mart was easy to negotiate as they
had highly visible doors right in the front. I bought a light blue,
frilly blouse that was pretty. I also needed batteries and a second
flashlight. I found a light small enough to easily fit in my mouth
which would leave both hands free. Again Lisa and I argued and again
we compromised. She said that a light that small would be useless.
I bought it anyway, and to please her I bought a bigger light.
Now it was time to go to the grocery store. This building was a place
I frequented so finding the door was not a problem. Our menu was
going to be chicken salad sandwiches and plain ol' boring cheese
sandwiches.
Back at the house I began to prepare the chicken salad. I was using
my aunt's recipe which everyone seemed to like. Everything was in
the bowl ready to be stirred except for one ingredient, the garlic
powder. I had a large mixture of chicken salad so I wanted to get
enough garlic into the salad. Lisa saw how much garlic I was
shaking into the bowl and she objected.
"That's enough!"
"No, just a little more." I kept shaking.
"That's enough!" She objected again.
"No, I want just a little more." I kept shaking.
She reached out to grab the container out of my hand and missed.
The lid came off, the bottle upended and landed in the chicken
mixture. We both stood there and gasped. All that garlic was in the
bowl.
"Now what are you gonna do?" She smirked.
"Not a problem!" I picked up the spoon and began to stir.
"What the...! Are you...! YOU'RE NUTS!" She walked out of the
kitchen shaking her head. I made the sandwiches.
The next day at lunch, after having a exerting morning, we were all
hungry. We had our choice of two kinds of sandwiches and who wants
plain ol' cheese anyway? Lisa and I did. Everybody else picked up
a chicken salad and began to eat. Without cracking a smile we
watched their faces as they bit into those sandwiches. Every face
had a strange look on it. It was like the Three Stooges had prepared
the food and people were trying to eat it but they were all too polite
to say anything. Lisa and I quietly kept eating our cheese.
"What kind of sandwich is this supposed to be?" My brother finally
had the courage to speak up.
Very calmly, very mildly, Lisa answered, "Garlic salad."
We both burst into laughter, the kind where you throw your head back
and laugh loudly. We began pointing the finger at each other
claiming it was "her" fault. Everybody tossed down their sandwich
and reached for the cheese. Everyone that is, except Crazy Dave who
finished his sandwich and took another one. Later he told me that
those things were really disgusting.
About the caving experience, My tiny flashlight was worthless. Also,
I wore my new, frilly, light blue blouse and found myself lying flat
on my stomach in a mixture of mud and guano. I threw the blouse
away. Dave, his brother Tim, Ethan and I went spelunking a few weeks
later and enjoyed the trip. The four of us became spelunking buddies.